An Amusing SG-1 Fan-Fic Scenario For Your Consumption

Yesterday I had an idea for an interesting Stargate SG-1 fan-fiction scenario.  It's inspired by a thread on my alternate-history forum's "Alien Space Bats" section in which the newly elected Pope Benedict is possessed by a Goa'uld named Jehovah who had apparently possessed Moses, then Jesus, and then all of the Catholic Popes starting with Peter.

(The show depicted the Semitic gods and the mythical Emperor Yu of China as being Goa'uld and the Norse pantheon as being the Asgardians, but the Abrahamic religions were left alone.  I imagine it would have led to protests and boycotts if they depicted our God as being an alien snake with delusions of grandeur.)

However, instead of Catholicism, the religion under Goa'uld control is...Scientology.  Imagine the cult of Seth, only with most of the cultists in Hollywood.  Given the science-fiction aspects of the upper levels of Scientology's belief system, it could be ruled by a Goa'uld named Xenu or something like that.  Tom Cruise could be the Goa'uld's First Prime or even the Goa'uld himself, given his devotion to Scientology.

Heck, here's an idea.  Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are both Goa'uld and Suri Cruise is a Harcesis.  Creating a Harcesis is bad even by the Goa'uld's low standards, which might explain why, like Seth, the Goa'uld in question are living in hiding on Earth.

(If Cruise, Holmes, or their attorneys are reading this, this is a joke.  Nobody sue me.)

So your challenge, if you choose to accept it, is to write an SG-1 fan-fic featuring SG-1 investigating Goa'uld activity on Earth and discovering the for-real alien connections of the Church of Scientology.