Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Draka/Transformers Fake Film Trailer

Keith posted the trailer for the Draka/Transformers crossover I described in this post on my alternate-history forum.  Here it is for your enjoyment.

(A view of Cybertron from space, city-sized explosions bursting over its surface.)


OPTIMUS PRIME (V.O.):

Our world was consumed by war...

(Earth is seen from space, its ice caps swollen by nuclear winter, dust storms raging over North America, debris floating in orbit.)

OPTIMUS PRIME (V.O.):

...just as yours has been.
(The camera zooms in on Nevada, too fast to make much out, and stops to show SAM WITWICKY and his father RON working on the partly disassembled engine of an excavator, Draka serf tattoos visible on their necks.)


RON:

I wonder what they're looking for?

SAM:

What does it matter?

(Zoom out again. The rubble of the Hoover Dam rises above them along with the wreckage of the power station buildings. Hundreds of other SERFS are clearing away the rubble with both power and hand tools. GHOULOONS and Draka OVERSEERS patrol the area.)


(Zoom out further to space. One of the larger spacecraft hulks suddenly sheds its outer layer of debris and deformed metal and sprouts sensors and racks of missiles.)


OPTIMUS: (V/O)

Now our war has come here...

(RAVAGE leaps into the middle of a party of heavily burdened SERFS, energy weapons fire cutting over their heads. He swats screaming humans out of the way with irritated snarls, shrugging off bullets from the OVERSEER's pistol. SAM crawls away as BUMBLEBEE appears over a rock outcrop, struggling with LASERBEAK.)


OPTIMUS (V.O.):

...and your war has become ours.

(LENNOX, EPPS, and five other SOLDIERS survey the wreckage of a Draka forward base.)


EPPS:

Who the hell could'a done this?

LENNOX:

Not who. What.

(SAM and MIKAELA BANES--who is wearing something scandalously revealing--watch as BUMBLEBEE transforms from car mode to robot mode.)


MIKAELA:

What...the hell...is that?

SAM:

It's a robot. Like, a...super-advanced robot. (beat) From space.

(Watched by RAVAGE, LASERBEAK and RUMBLE, MEGATRON bursts from a new hole in the wrecked dam, shrugging off boulders and fragments of rebar.


MEGATRON:

I...am...Megatron!

(A dozen flame-wreathed metallic objects descend from orbit towards the former United States.)


(ERIC VON SHRAKENBURG is seen talking to an AIDE in a Draka command centre.)


AIDE:

Excellency, we've detected more of the alien signatures among objects that have fallen to Earth in the last few weeks.

ERIC:

How many?

AIDE:

Over nine thousand.

ERIC:

What?!

(Hundreds of missiles streak through space, pinpointing and destroying Draka ships and weapons platforms. An enormous Autobot in robot mode, FORTRESS MAXIMUS, his size indicated by the much smaller Transformers manouvering around him, fires a volley of lasers and kinetic projectiles at incoming missiles from his shoulder- and arm-mounted weapons. The camera turns with him as an equally large Decepticon, SCORPONOK, opens fire on him.)


OPTIMUS PRIME (V.O.):

Autobots! Transform and roll out!

(Montage: Dozens of wrecked, rusting or abandoned vehicles lying/sitting in the streets of bombed-out American cities reconfigure themselves into shiny, new, beweaponed versions of the same vehicles and speed off. More AUTOBOTS emerge from underground parking garages or subway tunnels, some transforming into helicopters or aircars.)


(OPTIMUS in truck mode leads a convoy of Autobots down a freeway through the desert.)


STARSCREAM (V.O.):

Decepticons! Attack!

(A formation of Draka Falcon hypersonic fighters dissolves suddenly as a third of their number open fire with energy weapons and massacre the rest.)


(Several DECEPTICONS rampage through a Draka military base, shooting anything that moves. Several American SERFS cheer them on until STARSCREAM absently obliterates them as well.)


(A shadow falls over a DRAKENSIS OFFICER, and we see in his face that he's just learned the meaning of fear. The camera spins to show the towering form of DEVASTATOR rising above him.)


TITLE:


STARRING SHIA LABOEUF


(SAM accepts a gun offered to him by EPPS.)


SAM:

Guess I'm in the army now.

TITLE:


JOSH DUHAMEL


(LENNOX pulls the pin from a grenade with his teeth.)


LENNOX:

Enslave this, you sick freaks!

TITLE:


MEGAN FOX


(MIKAELA moves in to kiss SAM.)


MIKAELA:

You're twice the man any Snake will ever be.

TITLE:


AND SAMUEL L. JACKSON


(AGENT SIMMONS looks up over the back of a speeding jeep as Iowa cornfields blur past.)


AGENT SIMMONS:

That's it! Enough is enough! I have had it with these mutha(inaudible) Snakes on this mutha(inaudible) plain! (He lifts a rocket launcher.) Everybody strap in! S'time for some pest control!

TITLE:


WITH THE VOICES OF PETER CULLEN


(Freed SERFS stampede through a newly blasted gap in a razorwire fence, watched over by OPTIMUS PRIME, JAZZ, LENNOX, and his SOLDIERS)


OPTIMUS PRIME:

Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.

LENNOX:

Hell yeah.

TITLE:


AND FRANK WELKER


(A hologram of MEGATRON addresses ERIC and his ADVISORS.)


MEGATRON:

Know this: I have conquered and enslaved worlds for a million years. You are no more than insects to me.

(The camera pans over an apocalyptic battlefield in the ruins of Los Angeles, hundreds of AUTOBOTS and DECEPTICONS fighting each other and DRAKA soldiers shooting at both and trying not to get stepped on.)


TITLE:


UNITED PRODUCTIONS OF SAMOTHRACE PRESENTS


A MICHAEL BAY FILM


(SAM silently screams a denial.)


(MEGATRON and OPTIMUS PRIME charge at one another in slow motion amid burning rubble.)


TITLE:


TRANSFORMERS


COMING THIS SUMMER


(AGENT SIMMONS struggles with a remote detonator, pounding on it with his fist when it fails to activate.)


LENNOX:


You want a hand with that?

SIMMONS:

Naw, leave me alone, I got this.

(A Draka fortification explodes in a colourful and extremely noisy fireball.)

"United Productions of Samothrace" is a reference to the world the Alliance survivors settle in the Alpha Centauri system after the Domination of the Draka conquers the Solar System.  The conceit Keith is going with is that this is a Samothracian film.

Having Samuel L. Jackson playing Simmons isn't IMO the best idea, but maybe if they have John Turturro playing the Draka commander who has made Mikaela his concubine, that'd work.  Turturro's Simmons is comic-relief in the second and third films, but in the first movie, he was downright creepy and evil.

4 comments:

  1. The error being your previous comment with the fanfiction.net link?

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  2. Yeah, that did seem a little off-the-wall.

    If the Draka *did* invade Narnia, I imagine them doing a lot of damage to an essentially medieval society before Aslan shows up and, being this world's version of Jesus, seriously puts the hurt on them.

    (I'm imagining the scene in "Prince Caspian" where Aslan shows up with Lucy to deal with Miraz's army and roars dramatically--then Draka aircraft fall from the sky, their tanks and infantry literally explode, etc.)

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