Friday, May 29, 2020

Some Indiana Jones Humor For You Today...

In the first Indiana Jones film Raiders of the Lost Ark that takes place in 1936, adventurer-archaeologist Indiana Jones reconnects with his old girlfriend Marion Ravenwood, but by the time of the third film The Last Crusade in 1938 they're no longer a couple and he has a different love interest, Elsa Schneider (who it turns out is a Nazi). The controversial fourth film The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull reveals that he and Marion were engaged but he "broke it off a week before the wedding."

So now let's have an amusing counterfactual scenario. The marriage goes through, but when his father is kidnapped in 1938, Indiana sets off to rescue him (leaving Marion, who at this point might be pregnant with this timeline's version of Mutt Williams and not really in any condition to go adventuring) and the events of Last Crusade still happen. AKA Indiana Jones commits adultery, or Professor Henry Jones has another reason to slap him.

Indiana, a very pregnant Marion, and Elsa (who for the purposes of this scenario is still alive) end up on The Jerry Springer Show to discuss the matter. As often happened, Marion and Elsa get into a cat-fight live on television and we get the following exchange:

ELSA (gasping): "Indiana, there's another man"

INDIANA (angry): "What? Who, Hitler?"

MARION (angrier): "You're one to talk, Jones!"

INDIANA: "Your name is Jones too, you know!"

MARION: "We'll see how much longer that lasts!"

JERRY SPRINGER: (smiling evilly): "Another man? Well, let's introduce him!"

Camera cuts to the audience where we see Sean Connery standing there. Indiana turns bone-white pale.



I posted this in the Concellation 2020 Facebook group where people who'd be going to all the sci-fi and fantasy conventions that got canceled can hang out. It was well-received. 30 reactions so far, mostly the laughing variety.

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